In case you not to know, "rais', a soft small white seed like food, often seen in Asian countries, iz not a food fit for a cat. Some might ask a cAt if he to like steamed or fraid rais in his stir-fry, but a true cAt would reply "Rais? What kind of cAt you think I iz? A *veggie* cAt?!" and then he would claw the person who was foolish enough to ask such a foolish question!
Rais is much like a green meat that is so puny, i'z not even green! Surely no cAt would stoop to such a foolish "food".
Monday, September 8, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Napping
Naps are an essential part of any kAt's life. A kAt that did not nap would not be a kAt!
Some foolish humans might ask why kAts nap so much. The short answer is that kAts iz at the top of the food chain, and we have foolish humans to do our work for us, leavin' us with so much time that nappin' is the only solution.
A longer answer might to note that kAtz iz ever vigilant. Bein' ever-vigilant iz lotz of work, let me tell you! You can't to sleep, you can only to nap! You never know when someone might be doin' somethin' foolish that would require you to give them the bop! To show them the error of their foolish ways, of course.
Boppin' is something I plan on writing another entry about, as it is worthy of its own post!
Some foolish humans might ask why kAts nap so much. The short answer is that kAts iz at the top of the food chain, and we have foolish humans to do our work for us, leavin' us with so much time that nappin' is the only solution.
A longer answer might to note that kAtz iz ever vigilant. Bein' ever-vigilant iz lotz of work, let me tell you! You can't to sleep, you can only to nap! You never know when someone might be doin' somethin' foolish that would require you to give them the bop! To show them the error of their foolish ways, of course.
Boppin' is something I plan on writing another entry about, as it is worthy of its own post!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Treats Fit for A MankAt
The approved list of mankAt treats:
Meat
Doughnuts
Peetzuh, with the cheeze, and the krust
Coke
Small kandy barz
Cheeze and crackers
Ben & Jerry's ice cream
Snacks other people to be nommin' on
Goldfish crackers! (they'z tinay fish!)
Meat
Doughnuts
Peetzuh, with the cheeze, and the krust
Coke
Small kandy barz
Cheeze and crackers
Ben & Jerry's ice cream
Snacks other people to be nommin' on
Goldfish crackers! (they'z tinay fish!)
Green Meats - A Meat Most Foul!
Katz have classified food into two categories - meats, and not-meats. Some separatist katz say that we'z veggie-katz, not carnivores! Such craziness! Can you to believe it? Hah!
Veggibles is not a meat, nor a not-meat, but an even fouler category! Green meats! Meat that has spoiled, and meat that to grow on a vine have much in common when it come'z to tastin'. Some katz to nibble grass when they'z veray sickt, but that's it. 'Spinach' is a foul green meat that foolish humans eat on a regular basis.
Should any self-respecting kAt eat things a foolish human would? No!
So if a sepratist kittay tell you that 'green meats are good!', just give them a sound bop with your bopping paw!
Veggibles is not a meat, nor a not-meat, but an even fouler category! Green meats! Meat that has spoiled, and meat that to grow on a vine have much in common when it come'z to tastin'. Some katz to nibble grass when they'z veray sickt, but that's it. 'Spinach' is a foul green meat that foolish humans eat on a regular basis.
Should any self-respecting kAt eat things a foolish human would? No!
So if a sepratist kittay tell you that 'green meats are good!', just give them a sound bop with your bopping paw!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Union kAt Troubles :(
So I'z contracted some Union kAts to do some construction for me, some minor construction behind my couch. I even to provide equipment and hardhats! Hardhats with cut-out earholes for kAts even! You know how hard those are to find? Very!
So I went to the job site a few weeks ago, and barely a scrap of work had been done! I called up the kAt Union, and when I asked where they were, all I got was a bunch of angry meowin' in mah ears! They to say that they had worked the requisite hour as stipulated in their union contracts, and were currently out on six months paid vacation! Apparently union kAts to get six months paid vacation for every hour of work!
To add insult to injury, meow, they'z suin' me for an on the job accident! One of the kittays, he to get his head hurt by fallin' plaster! Of course, they had refused to wear the hardhats with earholes, sayin' they was too unfashionable for any kAt to be caught dead wearin' them. But they'z suin' me!
Now I have reporter kAts outside on my doorstep every morning when I go out to the car, meowin' at me nonstop! Sayin' things like "You to run evil construction company that to hurt KATS?! MEOW?!" Such loaded questions! I not even to answer them, I'z not foolish.
Normally, kittay judge would throw their case out of court with an angry swipe of the paw, but kAt union to have judge in their kittay pocket, so I'z startin' to be worried.
So I went to the job site a few weeks ago, and barely a scrap of work had been done! I called up the kAt Union, and when I asked where they were, all I got was a bunch of angry meowin' in mah ears! They to say that they had worked the requisite hour as stipulated in their union contracts, and were currently out on six months paid vacation! Apparently union kAts to get six months paid vacation for every hour of work!
To add insult to injury, meow, they'z suin' me for an on the job accident! One of the kittays, he to get his head hurt by fallin' plaster! Of course, they had refused to wear the hardhats with earholes, sayin' they was too unfashionable for any kAt to be caught dead wearin' them. But they'z suin' me!
Now I have reporter kAts outside on my doorstep every morning when I go out to the car, meowin' at me nonstop! Sayin' things like "You to run evil construction company that to hurt KATS?! MEOW?!" Such loaded questions! I not even to answer them, I'z not foolish.
Normally, kittay judge would throw their case out of court with an angry swipe of the paw, but kAt union to have judge in their kittay pocket, so I'z startin' to be worried.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Press One To Claw Via Phone
While I wait patiently, like most other mancats, for the latest version of the AutoClaw to come out, I have heard word of a new invention from the makers of the AutoClaw.
Have you ever been subjected to a telemarketer over the phone? Or just someone you had no desire to talk to? Have you ever been frustrated by the fact that you can't just simply reach through the phone and give them the CLAW? A generous swipe of the claw certainly illustrates to anyone foolish enough to waste the time and patience of a mancat how terribly foolish they are.
Apparently AutoClaw, Inc. is developing a device to do just this! This will revolutionize telecommunications as much as cell phones did! Now instead of simply meowing annoyedly at some foolish person, I can give them THE CLAW!!
I await patiently. Or as patiently as a mancat can be expect to be!
Have you ever been subjected to a telemarketer over the phone? Or just someone you had no desire to talk to? Have you ever been frustrated by the fact that you can't just simply reach through the phone and give them the CLAW? A generous swipe of the claw certainly illustrates to anyone foolish enough to waste the time and patience of a mancat how terribly foolish they are.
Apparently AutoClaw, Inc. is developing a device to do just this! This will revolutionize telecommunications as much as cell phones did! Now instead of simply meowing annoyedly at some foolish person, I can give them THE CLAW!!
I await patiently. Or as patiently as a mancat can be expect to be!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Mancat Money
A foolish human once asked me how I managed to afford my lifestyle, and so I proceeded to tell her at length about how the mancat financial world works.
All mancats who are in good standing with the Mancat Council are issued an 'upstanding mancat card'. This may look much like a Visa card, but one might note that instead of a dove (how foolish! a bird for their logo!) on the hologram, the solemn face of a mancat is staring back at you!
In truth, it does function much like a Visa card, except that it's accepted everywhere. No one refuses to take Upstanding Mancat cards. The judicious application of the claw by the Mancat Council has seen to that *small cat laugh*.
Some might question as to how such a financial system works if mancats do not perform labor. The answer is simple. Mancats are at the top of the food chain, and so everything that they desire is given to them. Simply swiping your upstanding mancat card at a store register allows you to purchase whatever you might want!
It's good to be a mancat.
All mancats who are in good standing with the Mancat Council are issued an 'upstanding mancat card'. This may look much like a Visa card, but one might note that instead of a dove (how foolish! a bird for their logo!) on the hologram, the solemn face of a mancat is staring back at you!
In truth, it does function much like a Visa card, except that it's accepted everywhere. No one refuses to take Upstanding Mancat cards. The judicious application of the claw by the Mancat Council has seen to that *small cat laugh*.
Some might question as to how such a financial system works if mancats do not perform labor. The answer is simple. Mancats are at the top of the food chain, and so everything that they desire is given to them. Simply swiping your upstanding mancat card at a store register allows you to purchase whatever you might want!
It's good to be a mancat.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Topics of Interest to Man Cat's Readers
A kind reader of Man Cat's blog has forwarded a list to me of topics she wishes Man Cat to discourse upon:
humans spying on mancat council affairs,
the importance & types of mancat snacks,
why you are a mancat separatist who does not live with silly humans but rather in your OWN mancat house,
the different types of paw, e.g. paw of approval, ownership, the buddhist paw, etc.,
naps,
ceiling cats,
caturday,
green meats,
the story of the littlest meow,
critical mancat deconstructions of silly human works of art, film, & popular culture,
the difference between "lolcat speak" and mancatese, and catonese (which is as far as i know, a dialect of mancatese?)
whether all humans are foolish, or just most?
I will address these and more in future posts, at length and in detail!
humans spying on mancat council affairs,
the importance & types of mancat snacks,
why you are a mancat separatist who does not live with silly humans but rather in your OWN mancat house,
the different types of paw, e.g. paw of approval, ownership, the buddhist paw, etc.,
naps,
ceiling cats,
caturday,
green meats,
the story of the littlest meow,
critical mancat deconstructions of silly human works of art, film, & popular culture,
the difference between "lolcat speak" and mancatese, and catonese (which is as far as i know, a dialect of mancatese?)
whether all humans are foolish, or just most?
I will address these and more in future posts, at length and in detail!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Foolish Humans
As a mancat, I am often surrounded by foolish humans. It amuses me greatly how they think they're the ones in charge when we are the ones they wait on hand and foot, feeding treats. Have you ever seen a mancat do anything as foolish as 'working'?
These humans are a dense lot. Often you must give them the claw before they get something right, or a good nip so they do not get any foolish ideas into their foolish heads about mancats being 'domesticated'.
Some will be so foolish as to pay attention to things other than a mancat! When they do this, you must tread over them with your paws until you find the softest, most sensitive part of their flesh and press down firmly with your paw! A short yelp later, they'll be paying attention to the only thing that matters - mancat!
These humans are a dense lot. Often you must give them the claw before they get something right, or a good nip so they do not get any foolish ideas into their foolish heads about mancats being 'domesticated'.
Some will be so foolish as to pay attention to things other than a mancat! When they do this, you must tread over them with your paws until you find the softest, most sensitive part of their flesh and press down firmly with your paw! A short yelp later, they'll be paying attention to the only thing that matters - mancat!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)